Don't worry. It's not what you think. Let me 'splain.
I'm a senior high youth worker at my church. In the summer instead of youth group, we do youth 'rallies' every other week where we serve dinner, have some fun, some worship and a lesson. You might remember that a couple of weeks ago I got to teach the lesson. Anyway, last night I was at the youth rally. I love our worship time. There's just something about watching a bunch of kids all-out worship God that makes my heart melt (especially watching Ellis on the drums). I was sitting in the back when they started to play this song about how much God loves us. About how God is a hurricane and I'm a tree. And I'm sitting back there just trying not to weep thinking about how much God loves us. I was overwhelmed by the thought. And then Shawn talked about living life to win, and what it means to be devoted to God.
Yesterday I posted about our financial situation. I came home after work yesterday and jumped when I looked at my inbox. Seriously. I got emails and fb messages from so many people who just poured their hearts out. I read about how you're feeling what I'm feeling; that some of you have found hope, and some are still struggling. I sat at my computer and cried, because I was so sad but also so happy that we're not alone. Thank you so much for sharing your stories with me. You spoke into my life yesterday I am praying for you and your words encouraged me.
Ok, back to my story. So we're singing this song. Here's a link to the lyrics. And here's a link to someone singing it, although I wish you could have seen our youth band last night. It was so good.
I was driving home from church with Ellis and in my heart I was just telling God THANK YOU for loving me. David and Ellis are leaving on Friday for a backpacking trip to Idaho. I was thinking about how I would be alone for 9 days, packing and writing and spending some time by myself. I was a little worried about it, to be honest. I like to be alone, but 9 days? I was trying not to think about how my kids are leaving home and I was trying not to feel too sorry for myself. We went over to my sister's for a late dinner. Sergio (my fabulous sonn-to-be brother-in-law) made fajitas (amazing). And the doorbell rings. Sergio says "Jenna, can you get that?" and I do. I open the door and there is...ALLIE (my daughter) standing there holding her video camera, laughing.
I was stunned and overwhelmed and just stood there staring at her. Do you want to know the best part? Sergio planned to fly Allie up here from San Diego MONTHS AGO, before he even knew that David would be gone. But God knew David's schedule, and He sent Allie here to spend the week with me. I feel like my words aren't doing their job right now. I'm finding it hard to communicate what is in my heart.
He loves us, Oh how he loves us
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
Yep, that's me. Overwhelmed and sinking. And I wouldn't have it any other way.