It's the phone call every Momma fears the most.

And I ride, shaky and sick, up the elevator to the third floor and turn the corner and stand with my back against the wall outside ICU. I stare up at the cameras and I stare at the doors and I just stand there, staring, dumb and afraid.
And then that Momma, she comes slipping out of those doors carrying her phone and looking like she just swam the entire ocean and back again. And she says to me, "Hi".
And what do I say? What do I say when her boy is laying in that hospital bed with tubes sucking things out and forcing things back into his broken body? Everything that's rolling around in my mouth feels meaningless and  flat. I'm just dumb. Dumb and shaking and afraid.
Me and this sweet Momma, we've poured our tears out over the years; when our boys were doing things they shouldn't, going places they shouldn't, smoking things they shouldn't. And we would just shake our heads at each other and smile through the tears, because no one hopes and dreams for a boy like his Momma. No one sees him like she does. No one aches and worries and prays through the night like her. And no one forgives, over and over, like a Momma. So over the years, Keri and I, we just kept hoping. Hoping and praying. Over and over.
And then one night Keri gets a call that could have just as easily come my way. And now there are things that can't be undone. There will be tough days ahead. Nothing I can say will change it or make it any less brutal.
Jakob's life was spared last night. He woke up today, and his body will eventually heal. Tonight, I pray over his life and his brokenness. I pray for his future. I pray for eyes that will not see just today, but a thousand and ten thousand days from now. I pray for discovery and grace. I pray for a life reborn.
Because no one loves and restores and relentlessly pursues us like our God. No one pours Himself out like He does. No one.
We sang in church tonight about how He makes beautiful things out of dust; about how He makes beautiful things out of us.
And I will keep on singing that. Because it's true.


  1. You don't say anything Jenna, You can't... When embracing awkwardness one of the hardest parts is understand the times when awkward is a must. Imagine the mama's surrounding Mary at the feet of the cross, do you for a moment think that their words could have eased the brokenness that she was feeling. The fact that they did not hide from her, that they stood next to her to hold her up when she wanted to crumpled were words that spoke so deep into to another mothers heart. Just as you my friend did not hide from Keri, you held her up when she wanted too crumble spoke deep into her heart. We are all mama's just like You sweet Jenna or Mary, or Keri or even me when our babies are in pain words are never enough, but we are us other mama's break awkwardness. Well done sweet friend, I will be praying.

  2. We love jakob and Rachel. They are strong people. They know we are all here for them. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and bring us closer. They are family to me. Im praying for them.

  3. Thanks Jenna, For moms and dads everywhere

  4. I love you Jenna ... I read this often and cry every time. I am so grateful and blessed to have you as a friend. A year later . Your love that day still holds me up and your quiet tears keep me strong.. ❤Keri


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