Many times the unpublished drafts of this blog are like a private journal; I can see unfinished thoughts and words and lists scattered throughout the past several years and it's like a timeline of my life.
I came across an unpublished draft today that stopped me in my tracks. It was from November of 2012.
I will not let awkwardness or fear drive my decisions. I will learn how to love urgently, extravagantly and invisibly.
That was it. I'm not sure why I wrote those words when I did, but I'm pretty sure it was after an epic failure of some sort. I'm feeling a little goosebumpy as I read them again today because somehow after I wrote them, I began to say them to myself and pray them and live them. I don't remember even writing them down, but I know I wanted to live more like Jesus and this was the best way I knew how.
Have you ever written down a goal list or a life statement or something important you wanted to accomplish? Like, really written it down and put it somewhere safe? Once about twenty years ago, the Lumberjack and I wrote down everything we wanted to accomplish by the end of the year. I found the list after the year was up and we both laughed our heads off because we were able to cross every single thing off of the list. (It probably wasn't a very ambitious list, but we were young. Ha!)
'My Decision' was powerful because it summed up what I was learning at the time.
I had been letting fear get in the driver's seat. It took me places I hated.
Was it the only important decision I made at that time? Nope. Have I still found myself making bad decisions? Pssht. Of course. But I'm making them less and less. And I'm focusing on the "I will" in my life more than the "I won't". I think that's progress.
What about you? Think back over the past several months. What are some times you would love a "do over"? What is at the core of the mess? For me it was fear. For you it will be something else.
Write down your own 'My Decision' today; something that you will say to yourself the next time you are faced with a choice. (P.S. I would LOVE to hear about it!) Write it down and pray it and begin to repeat it to yourself. You might just be surprised at how things will change. You might be surprised at how much it changes YOU.