What if?

Dear Friend,

I was going to send you a text, but instead I decided to write this down so you can come back here whenever you want and read this.

I know you say you don't like being emotional. That you're bothered by emotions coming to the surface lately. I understand why. After all, shutting down big emotions helped you navigate your childhood. You survived because you learned to power through. In fact, you didn't just survive. You thrived.

And here you are, all these years later, and those emotions are tightening up your chest and squeezing out of your eyelids in certain moments, and you don't like it. It feels like lack of control. Maybe it feels weak? And God knows, you are not a weak person. So why now? Why can't you just keep managing the way you. always have? Why can't you just focus on the good and move forward in gratitude? That's a great question.

I was thinking - what if those emotions that are welling up now are a sign? What if this isn't a sign of weakness or some negative thing? What if this is a sign of deep, authentic, sacred healing? 

Hear me out.

God created us in His image, and according to what we know about him, he is emotional. He carries all emotions at once and he does it perfectly. What if you are becoming more like him? You're certainly putting in the work.

Let's keep playing "what if"?

What if suppressing emotions is a good short-term survival strategy, but it's not meant to be permanent? When emotions begin to bubble up, it's not a breakdown. It's a breakthrough. 

What if instead of losing control you're actually regaining access to parts of yourself that have been locked away for safety? What if the most beautiful parts of you are still locked behind that wall? (You're already so beautiful, so that's hard to imagine. But it's possible.)

What if this is not regression, but growth?

Take sadness for instance. Sadness leads us to understand what we've lost, and what we long for. It's the emotion that connects us to compassion, creativity, and authenticity. If we don't sit with a little sadness once in a while, we might be disconnected from ourselves and not really know what we actually want. 

What if suppressing negative emotions  helped you survive, but now that you've grown into a beautiful, powerful, independent adult, you just might be able to access them to level up? What if they are actually a limitless source of strength, but you're just not used to them yet?

I refuse to believe that your tears aren't as valuable as God says they are. 

Anyway, friend, I just want you to know that I'm cheering for you as you run your race. I'll be standing here cheering like a lunatic, screaming for you to keep going, holding a big ol' sparkly sign that says, "What if?" You've got this.